It's a real tangible sign that the worst is over. And it should be a high point.
But since that day, while he's doing well physically, he's going through a tough time emotionally. I admit that I am unsure of how to handle the situation right now. I respect the way he feels: the colostomy has changed the way he thinks of himself and he feels that has substantively changed our relationship as well. I thought he would be elated to be cancer free and with the odds in his favor (70-30) that he can stay that way. But instead, i think he's dealing with some kind of survivor's guilt. And he's let this build up over the past couple of weeks until last night we just had a giant meltdown. And although I respect how he feels, I don't know what to say when I really want to say: Look how lucky you are! Enjoy what you've got and what we have rather than torturing yourself over the things you can't change. And yet, I know that even though I have walked this road side by side with him for the past year, I can't know how he really FEELS. It didn't happen to me. Just as - i guess - he can't know how I feel.
The bottom line is: I want to be supportive and help him over this hump. I just don't know how to do it. I didn't think there would be a hump here. If you know what I mean....
